Aaron Gillespie

Motto: We Should Kill All of Those with Radical Views

> Spring Break has Broke. My Family Went Through it Without Any Trauma to Speak Of. I Did Stub My Toe, and More Importantly Lose to Christine in Bowling by Over 100 Pins… But Nobody was Hospitalized for the First Time in 5 Spring Breaks.

>  Things Have Been Really Good Lately.

> I’m Drinking a Berry Propel Fitness Water. Doesn’t it Defeat the Purpose of Water to Add Flavoring to It? I Think it’s a Subliminal “I Can Drink this and Not Get Fat” Message they Use. Even as I Drink It I Keep Thinking “I Can’t Believe this is Water,” Even Though I Know It Isn’t. In Short, Gatorade is the Anti-Christ and Will Cause the Apocalypse Some Day Soon.

> Damn, This is Good Water!

> I’ve Been Working on the Scavenger Hunt a Lot Lately. I’m Still only on Goal #48, and I Don’t Even Like Some of the Ones on There. I’m Going to be Contacting Certain Key People About Possible Dates by the End of the Night.

> It’s All about the Hamilton’s Baby

> I Feel Like Making Something. Reading Something. Poetry. Food. Skateboarding. Shooting. I Don’t Really Know.

> I Broke My Skateboard the Other Day. 360 Flip.

> On the 31^st I’m Going to Play in the Optimist All-Star Whatchacallit in William Allen White Stadium. I Hope I Don’t Suck. It Will be One of the Last Games I Ever Play In.

> I’m going to Make a New Video/Facebook Project. I’m Going to Compile Everybody that I Might Even Remotely Look Like and Try to Emulate Their Pictures. I Think I’ll Have Joe Sliter Help Me with a Few Pictures, too. I Hope to Have that Done by the Weekend, but I’m Lazy- So Maybe Later. (if at all) One Other Note on this Subject: Mom Said I Should Look Like a Douche Bag. So, She’s Real Mature.

Top 5: People I’m Going to Look Like

5. Quitin Tarintino – I Don’t Bleed in Excess
4. Topher Grace – He’s Playing Venom in the New Spiderman Movie, Sweet

3. Matthew Perry – I Have No FRIENDS
2. Some Douche From Panic at the Disco – I’m Not Emo

1. Agent 47 – I’m Not Bald?

Quotespecially awesome:

” That Truss Owns You, You are it’s Slave Bitch “
- Don Gillespie, after My Basketball Shot was Denied by the Ceiling Truss in My Barn -

” Anybody Want a Box Full of Mouse Poop? “
- Mr. Torrence -

 

” You Scared My Virginity Right Out of Me “
- Josh Weltha -

” I Hate to See Her Go, but I Love it When She’s Gone “
- Chris Bray’s Twist on the Classic Line (for laken) -

” It’s a Very Handsome Penis “
- Josh Weltha, About a Penis Drawn on a Chair -

Motto: Chuv is the New Awesome

> So Recently, I was on Facebook and I was Just Searching for Random Groups I Might Want to Join. Somehow, this “End Men’s Violence” Group Came Up. Basically it was Some Dumb Feminist Thing that Said Men Always Resort to Physical Violence to Solve Their Problems. I wanted to Kick Their Ass.

> I Just Finished a Scholarship. Hopefully that Hour of Writing was Worth 1000 Dollars. It’s a Pretty Good Job I’d Say, I Make $1000 an Hour. (did you see that math I implemented there)

> I Also Just Played Some Pool, Like Usual. I Played Very Well, Though. I Made Shots that Weren’t Easy, and Missed Shots That Weren’t Easy. Basically, What I’m Saying is This. My Head is in the Right Place Today. Things Have Been Good. Things will Continue to be Good, Unless Zeus has it in His Mind to Mess with Me. So I’ll Offer a Sacrifice of a Hecatomb of Powdered Gems to Appease Him.

> I was Just Looking Up Video Games on the Net, Like I Do When I Get Bored Enough, and I Looked at the Coming Out Sometime in the Future “Hitman” Movie. A Movie Based Off My Favorite Video Game Series. Anyways, Vin Diesel was going to be the Hitman, But now It’s Looking Like This Guy Is… Cool. Make Him Bald and I Could See That.

> I’m Working on Details for Next Year’s Scavenger Hunt. <- this sentenced contained the most typos ever when I first wrote it. Anyways, I Have Goal-Writer’s Block and I’m Only at Goal 27.

> Spring Break has Been Pretty Uneventful, but Nevertheless Still Pretty Good. No Memorable Events have Occurred Yet. Something Will. The Good News is This, Nobody has Went to the Hospital Yet!

> Yesterday, Nick Garrett Productions and Aaron Gillespie Industries Came Together to Create this Piece of Chuv. Nick Did 90% of the Work. So Give Him the Credit. Although He Just Informed Me of the New Song He’s Writing about Me Being Gay, So He Sucks.

Top 5: Past Spring Breaks for My Family
5. I Got Mono and Strep
4. Joe Got Tonsillitis

3. Jon Broke his Arm
2. My Aunt Broke Some Bone or Something

1. Bitter Break Up

Quotes:

” As Long as You Think I’m Handsome I’m Okay with You Being Shallow “
- Myself -

” It Looked Like Somebody Jerked Off the Incredible Hulk “
- Tyler Donoho, I Heard It, I Laughed. That’s All I Know -

Motto: Long, Drawn Out Writing Processes = Nonsensical Entries

> Not Including this Paragraph (it was added later) This Update, When Viewed on Microsoft Word, Contains 4 Pages, 1390 Words, 7254 Characters (spaces included), 38 Paragraphs, and 122 Lines of Content. Enjoi.

> My Thoughts Have Been Completely Scattered Lately. Sadly this is Not Very Well Reflected Through the Column. I Think I’ll Have a Picture in this Update. I Haven’t Had a Picture in Like, 20 Updates. You Bet Your Ass There Will be a Picture by the End of This One.

> Pseudoantidisestablishmentarianism. The Longest Word in the English Language, (if you want to keep it simple.) “The False Opposition to the Withdrawal of Church from State.” I Plan on Using it Properly One Time in My Life. Consider it a New Life Goal.

> Bolas: My Answer to Josh’s Grappling Hook. For Those of You Who Don’t Know what Bolas are, They are Balls Connected on a Series of Ropesandorstrings Used to Immobilize Targets. For Those of You Who Don’t Know What they Look Like. Click Here. I Plan on Filming Myself with Them Just so I Can Show You How Cool They Are, but I haven’t Done that Yet. Look for a Video at Some Later Date. What is My Next Answer to Josh’s Grappling Hook? A Grappling Hook of My Own (Hey, It Could Happen) These Two Items Start Off the Cool “I Should Make These Things Cause They are Totally Ka-Blamo” List, Which Continues on with One of those Cool Nets with the Balls on the Fringes, Throwing Stars, a Pool Cue Spear, and a Tomahawk. If I DO Make a Tomahawk, I’ll Use it to Cheer at Sporting Events.

> I Think I Might Have Some Fun with this Update.

> Tomorrow I’m Going Down to Allen County to Check Out their School and Basketball Program and What Not to See If I’m Interested. Then I’m Going Down to KU to Check Out Their School, Even Though I Know I’m Interested. Christine Will be Accompanying My Mother and I For the Trip, so I Can Check Her Out and Hopefully Keep Her Interest.

> Alkaline Trio is Awesome. They are the Only Band that Doesn’t Suck in Some Form. Incredibad is Awesome, Too. I Plan On Making a Video to Either an Incredibad or Nutsnack Song in the Near Future. Within the Next Month You’ll See Something. Something Awesome. “All Talk No Rock,” You Say? Well I Say This- “F*ck You.”

> That Last Bullet Went From Music to Video to Defensive. It was a Very Well-Rounded Bullet.

> If For Every Update I’ve Ever Done, You Did One Sit-Up, You Would Not Total the Amount I Did Today. I Weightlifted After School. A Weight Broke on the Floor Shortly after it was Over My Head. I Narrowly Escaped Death. I’ve Noticed I can Lift Ever-so-Slightly More than I Used to be Able To. I’ve Got a Long Way to Go to be 1/8 as Ripped as Josh, Though.

> Why are They Called Bullets Anyway? If My Computer was Somehow a Shotgun, Would they be Called Shells? Would Those Shells be Good with Cheese When Poured from a Craft Blue Box?

> I’d Like to Take this Opportunity to Say This is Christine and I’s 3 Month Anniversary. In Other Words, I’ve Been the Luckiest Fellow on Earth for a Full Quarter of a Year Now.

> A Picture to Go Out On? Who in Their Right Mind Would Expect It? Anyway, Here’s Christine’s Art Picture of the Day.

Top 5: Things I Noticed About Dad’s Update

5. It was Depressingly Good. Better than Mine, and By More than Just a Little

4. It was Surprisingly Similar to Mine Back in the Day When I Did These Entries for Fun and Nobody Ever Read Them- Back in the “Geocities Era”

3. He Didn’t Label His Top Five… I Think It’s His Top Five Favorite Things… Possibly Whilst Drunk

2. Dad Doesn’t Know How to Put this on the Internet, so I was Able to “Salvage” it, as he Said

1. Dad, Too, Suffers from ADHD.

The Following is an Update Straight from Don Gillespie

Motto: Never leave the computer running and unattended while Dad is home. He can be dangerous if not under direct supervision.

> Yes just as the motto states, you snooze you lose (the right to provide an update). Or maybe I should use computer sign language Bear with me, this is my maiden voyage, and I’m glad to have you along for the ride.

> Cell phones are evil and have made slaves to most everyone that has ever placed it to their ear and heard the vastness of dead silence. As a communication tool they Suck (Can I say Suck on here? Or should it have used Su*k instead? Maybe “really are poorly designed” would have been a better choice of words. Oh to be politically correct, it is driving me up a wall and I have just started). Well I have rambled enough that I forgot my point. Cell phones do su*k though.

> What is happening in the world? As I was walking to the barn this morning to get my truck so that I can drive to work and earn a buck, I noted that the North Star does not seem as bright as it did when I was a kid. Could it be that the universe is running out of fuel? Maybe the Dad on that star has turned down the thermostat. Maybe it is the subtle light pollution from the metropolis of Lebo. Maybe it is air pollution that has blocked some of the brilliance. Maybe my eyes are not as good as they once were. Or could be the memory has recalibrated me to make me think the North Star is not as bright. As a kid the little dipper was clearly visible, now it is best left to the imagination. The North Star is the end of the handle of the little dipper, if you were asleep the day the teacher covered that topic.

Something that was cool and everyone should experience at least once. One late night the new weatherman said the Northern Lights were visible. We, Vickie and I, went up to Sun Dance and watched the lights. It was super. I would try to describe it but you would be bored and I could not do it justice. Trust me on this one; go check it out the next time. The preceding was my obligation to provide meaningful content to this column. There could be a test at the end so take notes.

> Speaking of sleep, what the heck is this with the early version of daylight savings time? Crap, it is only an hour earlier, yet I fell like I lost a week some place. In a few years, maybe Congress will see a need to have an additional hour adjustment. Then it will be daylight savings savings time and we will lose an additional week. Just thinking about it makes my hair hurt.

> !nuf rof tsuj gnitirw drawkcaB. (Figure this one out, it is the test).

> Well time to sign off. Provide all comments the normal way. I’m sure Aaron will pass them along. At a minimum the bad ones for sure. The “Quote” section was done by Aaron. Then he needed to go off and think for a while and left for a minute.

Top 5:

5. The stars on a clear night.

4. The stars on a clear night while setting in the hot tub.

3. The stars and an occasional airplane passing overhead on a clear cool night while setting in the hot tub.

2. Watching a meteor shower sitting in the hot tub.

1. Finding the computer running and your son in the basement playing pool, totally unaware of any of the above.

Quotes:

” If I Set You on Fire, Would You Feel More at Home? “
- Josh Weltha, to Laken Criqui (home he calls the devil) -

” The Biggest Threat to Survival is Death “
- John Torrence -

And This Update Marks the First Ever Serious Quote Ever Quoted- John Torrence

” Something is Wrong with the Legal System when Common Sense has No Bearing “
- Mr. Torrence, during a long discussion about the whole “Dropping Hot Coffee and Suing Because it’s Hot and You’re a Fat Fat Retard and Winning a Billion Dollars” -