Aaron Gillespie

Motto: Get in the Spirit of Giving, Or I’ll Kick Your Ass

> Mandatory Basketball News: We Played Chase County and Flinthills Last Week. They Were Both Guard Dominated Teams. This Fact Alone Means That Lebo’s 6’Whatevers Had a Field Day around the Basket. We Won Both Games. It was Nice Seeing Some of the Flinthillians Again. I Really Wasn’t Feeling Like a Real Social Person Before the Game Due to a Specific Combination of Nervousness and Illness. I Wish I Had Been a Bit More Chatty. I Like Those People. I Like Them a Lot. WHAT IS THE FREAKING DEAL WITH ME MISSING DUNKS THIS YEAR?! I Can’t Believe It. I Drive, (yeah, I drove) to the Basket, Get a Freaking WIDE OPEN Look at It, and the Ball Slips Out Before I Get the Chance to Throw It Downward. Balls.

> I was in a Relatively Bad Mood Yesterday. I Don’t Know Why. Well, That’s a Lie. I Was in a Bad Mood Because I Was Surround by Stupid, Loud, DUMB, Annoying, Retarded, Fat People. Including a Couple of the Queens of All of These Categories.

> I’m Getting Ready to Eat a Chocolate Piece of Pie. Or Should I Say a Piece of Chocolate Pie. Either Way- Your Jealous and It’s Going to Rock.

> I Showed a Few of My Videos to Nathan Knight and Gage Milota. I Think They Were Impressed- Seeing as How They Said “Dude, Impressive.”

> Oh Yeah, This Pie is Amazing. Good Thing I Get the Opportunity at 5 More Piece if I Feel Like It.

> Here in a Few Hours I Will be Going to The Steen’s in Order to Better Acquaint Myself with Her Family and, More Importantly, to Kick Her ASS In Some “HORSE.” So, I’m Looking at Having a Pruddy Groovy Day. I Hope You All Do as Well. (Except You, Josh)

> Speaking of Josh- He and I are at it Again.

Top Shitload: Way’s to Say “She Lights My Fire”

Shitload. “Spanks Your Monkey”

14. “Wipes Your Ass”

13. “Lights Your Farts”

12. “Twists Up Your Animal Balloons”

11. “Rev’s Your Engine”

10. “Poops in Your Toilets”

9. “Turns Your Propeller”

8. “Fertilizes Your Soil”

7. “Flushes Your Waste”

6. “Cooks Your Poptarts”
5. “Rapes Your Dogs
4. “Pitches My Tent”

3. “Spins Your Potters Wheel”
2. “Initiates Your Reactions”
1. “Arrests Your Freshman”

Quotes:

” You Wouldn’t Have to Use Your Ass Muscles to Poop Anymore, That’s Like the Epitome of Lazy- You Know How When You Don’t Use a Muscle it Gets Shriveled up and Small? I Wonder if Your Sphincter Would Shrink and You’d Leak Shit All the Time “
- Josh Weltha’s Opinion on Vacuum-Aided Pooping -

” Guys Get Used to Ignoring Women after a While, You’ll Just Have to Start Early “
- Mrs. Hancock, to One of the little boys who was being antagonized by a little girl in little kid music class -

” Real Life is Gay ”
         - Ms. Rooney -

” Aaron Would Win, He Has Experience with Turd Handling “
- Kevin Allegre -

” When You Bench 185 The Answers Show Themselves Out of Fear “
- Josh Weltha -

” I Like Them All “
- Josh Weltha, I Don’t Remember What Made This Funny- But it Was at the Time –

” There Shouldn’t be Anybody Who Doesn’t Get at Least… 100% “
- Mr. Harp, About a Quiz We Were Getting Ready to Take -

” I’m at a Really Boring Point in My Life Right Now “
- Chris Teeter’s Response when I Asked Him Why He Actually Studied for Our English Final -

” Uterus, It’s a Muscle in Your Leg “
- Josh Weltha, Trying to Trick Sarah Mac –

 

And Finally Kevin Allegre Wrote This in the Quotepad for Some Reason-

 

“ Dear Aaron: Sometimes I Have Dreams About You. Most of the Time You aren’t Doing Anything, You Just Stand There and the Dream Goes on in Spite of You but When It’s Over I’m Like ‘Was that Aaron?’ But Sometimes Your Covered in Olive Oil and Oats and I’m a Horse Licking You Clean. You Sexy Horsef*cking Man. I Want You Bad, to Give Me the Answers in Physics.”

This entry was posted on Saturday, December 16th, 2006 at 2:53 pm and is filed under columns. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.