Aaron Gillespie

Column is…. GO:

 

For the first time ever today I went to the skatepark to alleviate some stress, depression, and what have you; and I came back from the skatepark more stressed, more depressed, and more what have youed. I mean, I went there to land one trick in particular. I did it yesterday on my 3^rd try… and I wanted to film myself doing it so I could have that. I get to the park and it’s crowded. Like… very. I do a little warming up (little) and I go ahead and turn my camera on in the corner of the park. I try and try and try to do the thing that came so easily last night… and I just can’t get it. 20 tries or so go by of me falling or failing. I have a limp. I have a sizable swelling in my left shin region. I am scraped up. I finally… FINALLY land my trick. I feel no joy. I go over to my camera. The tape had ended. Only a few minutes before I finally did what I wanted to do the tape ended.

 

I don’t understand how other people function. I figured out how I function a little better I suppose. I seek other people’s approval 99% of the time. I do what I want to do usually… but usually not for my own satisfaction. I don’t know why I want to be everybody’s favorite dude so much… I suppose another question is why do I fail so miserably at being everybody’s favorite dude. I was somebody’s favorite dude once. She’s gone now. It’s my fault that she’s gone. I mean. I understand that “it’s nobody’s fault. The situation was just too impossible for anybody to have been happy. Things were so serious and we weren’t ready for it.” I understand. I just can’t help but remember how great things were. I mean. It’s hard. It’s very very hard.

 

On the lighter side of things. I’ve moved in to my room. I’ve moved back onto campus. I love my room. It’s nice. There’s plenty of space for me to relax by myself, or to have people over to do whatever with. I would still like a Playstation 3. Considering the best thing I have to offer as far as that goes is “hey let’s go to my room and play Super Smash Bros… the original.” I’ve met some people I really like. I have met a few more people I really don’t like. All in all… I’ve had a better start than last time. But move-in day is tomorrow and that’s where the real fun begins. That was meant to be read in a sarcastic scared tone. I just need to listen to Weezer and keep on thinking “Aaron, you don’t suck. Nobody thinks you are as lame as you think you are. Aaron, you are just self-conscious about everything. Aaron, just be happy with yourself. Aaron, don’t worry about shit. Aaron, life is going to go on and you are going to be joyful again. You’ll find contentment.”

 

I can only fight those voices for so long.

 

That being said, I’ve had a good time so far believe it or not. Those few people I’ve met that I like, I really do like. I’ve had a few fun times for sure.

 

Faux Sure.

 

Bitch.

 

Top 5: Memories at KU so far…

 

5. Spitting down 10 flights of stairs, even though my looooogey was the only one that didn’t actually make it all the way down.

 

4. The game I learned today “Horse, Knight, Rider” and played with a cool dude against all the other HOT’s.

 

 

3. Skating alone at the skatepark… doing it just for myself. (the first night)

 

2. Running around Hashinger all night. (ALL night)

 

1. Trying to sneak out a mass horde of people out of the meeting without anybody noticing.

Quotes: (from HOT’s, I’ll leave their last names off for anonymity’s sake)

“ Knock! Knock!…. (who is it)… Not a rapist! "
         - Thomas, who was literally knocking on a door, not telling a joke -

“ I’d punch you right in your zombie cooter "
         - Brian -

 

This entry was posted on Sunday, August 17th, 2008 at 12:30 am and is filed under columns. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.