not really an update
okay, so this isnt really an update per-say… this is more of a blog. (i know there isnt really a difference, but i make up a difference in my head)
i’m writing from my phone. so that helps distinguish this out a little. Weezer is fitting my mood really well right now. just really calm, almost to the point of being worn out. i’m not, though. i’m actually very focused. i’m sitting in the parking garage next to the student union here in lawrence. The setting is a muse in itself. i dont need inspiration to write anything at this point in my life, though. my life alone is enough to write encylopedias on right now.
my mind is a pair of trains. powerful, overwhelmingly unstoppable feelings and thoughts diverging two different wayson the same track. i dont kow whats at the end of either railway, but half of me is tied to each train. i get the feeling if i dont figure out which train i want to live on and which train i want to untie myself from soon… i’ll be ripped right down the middle in to two equally sized, equally dead parts.
this place is beautiful. my life is good, but it’s not perfect. it’snot exactly what i want it to be and i dont really know what that is. i mean, i can tell you want i want, but it’s not possible. i want to go back one year and try everything over again. try not to screw up the perfect situation this time. i guess hind-sight is always 20-20. (actually on second thought there are a few spaces of last night that i dont really remember too well)
i guess all i can really do is continue on. when i come up here in a few days and shit starts back up, i will have to play everything by feel. maybe just do everything i want to do. maybe i should just not worry about everything or a change and things might just fall the way they should…
maybe i’ll be contented.
maybe i’ll end up alone.
maybe i’ll catch fire.