So I’ve realized that condensing the column into the bite-sized easy-to-digest format that it has been for the past couple years has really started to inhibit my ability to really write freely. I wouldn’t suspect much of a change, as you will see, but the column will be less black and white from now on.

I’ve got a lot of things on my mind, as always. I just found a website with a bunch of funny quotes about various subjects. I stole one for my quote for this update. I like it.

It’s really late, and I’m just going to put this up as it is. Cancel any real writing.

Top 5: Things I want for my birthday (albeit unrealistically)

5. iPod Touch

4. a MacBook to replace this PC (as usual, “PC” stands for “Piece’o Crap”

3. a medium sized (36”ish) Flatscreen television

2. some Flying Spaghetti Monster memorabilia

1. a Playstation 3

Quote:

“ If you believe everything you read, you’d better not read "
         - Japanese Proverb -

Motto: no motto 

 > Since I have the ability to watch pretty much any movie ever made I can now tell you this. (on a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being shitty and 10 being not shitty)

The Love Guru – 3

Get Smart – 8

The Incredible Hulk – 8

Indiana Jones – 7

Kung Fu Panda – 9

Don’t Mess with the Zohan – 1

Wall-E – 9

Wanted – 6 (not to be taken seriously)

 > I’ve been circling through different Top 5:’s to do. I settled on the first one I thought of. My favorite actors… I was going to actresses, but beyond Isla Fisher, there isn’t any. Also I was going to do top five things I want for my birthday…. But I think I’ll prolly update again before then.

 > I don’t have much else I really want to say.  

 > I don’t really have anything.

 > Yeah I really don’t have shit. I’m too scatterbrained… but It’s getting better, I think things are on their way to normal…

Top 5: My Favorite Actors

5. Andy Samberg

4. Ryan Reynolds

3. Christian Bale

2. Willem Dafoe

1. Edward Norton

Quotes:

“  "
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i just want to say this:

life sucks sometimes- isnt t funny that if you really want to keep something more than anything in the world- you have to let it go.

i dont think its funny anymore.

not tryin to live, just trying to survive.

 > I made a video yesterday. Some of the folks at the theater stumbled upon the Emo Kid video… it made me realize that I needed to actually work out those small ideas I had into “The stupid video of nothing 3”

 > I recently realized that Serj Tankian’s name is not pronounced with a long ‘a’ sound, but instead with an “aw” sound. Serj Tawnkian. The fact that I just NOW realized this proves that I’m white.

 > Speaking of Serj Tankian, I just got on Wikipedia to see if anybody wrote anything about System of a Down’s hiatus. I got distracted like I always do, and I ended up reading about their singles. I read that their song “Kill Rock’n’Roll” was inspired by a rabbit that guitarist/vocalist Daron Malakian hit with his car one night. When he stopped his car and went back to the rabbit, he decided to name the rabbit “rock n’ roll.” If you pay attention to the lyrics, makes the song make perfect sense. It takes the song from a serious song about Rock artists being overwhelmed by drugs and dying inside, to a rabbit dying at night. “Eat all the grass that you want, accidents happen in the dark.” That’s just weird.

 > I’ve been reading a LOT about Mac computers, iTunes, iPods, and most of all, the iPhone. Combine all of that with my PS3 and Flat Screen HDTV things, and I’m only 2800$ away! Horray!

Top 5: Things I’m looking forward to in the future…

5. July 27 “Scars on Broadway” – album by a band of the same name featuring ½ of System of a Down.

4. June 27 “Wall-E”

3. July 11^th “The new iPhone 3G” – I can’t get one that day, or probably at all, but I’m still interested

2. KU starting back up…

1. Putting Pizza in the Oven- and then Eating it.

Quotes:

“ Word “
         - yeah -

 > I watched Kung Fu Panda with Christine on Saturday. (its where I got my motto for today) I would highly recommend it to anybody in need of something to turn a shitty day around. We both went into that movie fresh off of work and both a little stressed out. We came out of it pretty damned happy with life. We had one of the most important conversations of our entire relationship later that night. It was a good damned day all together. I’m still pretty jacked about the whole thing.

 > Facebook is crazy.

 > I am hungry.

 > I feel good. I’m not sure if it’s a residual effect from Saturday, if it’s cause I’ve had the day off so far, because I get the day off with Christine tomorrow… or possibly the pizza in the oven… or maybe from that dump I just took.

 > I said that last bit both because it was true, and also as a segway into my next point. We all know that I’m an advocate of Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader series. They make my trips to the non-porta-potty here in the house trips to a realm of enlightenment and entertainment. In the past two days alone, I got the material I will use in my Top 5: and my quotes….

Top 5: Amazing Anagrams (stolen from Uncle John’s Curiously Compelling Bathroom Reader)

5. “The Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote” becomes “Try a Cartoon Duel where None Die”

4. “ELECTION RESULTS” becomes “LIES! LET’S RECOUNT!”

3. “WILLIAM SHATNER” becomes “HI, SWELL MARTIAN!”

2. “JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE” becomes “I’M A JERK, BUT LISTEN”

1. “THE LEANING TOWER OF PISA” becomes “I SPOT ONE GIANT FLAW HERE”

(Don’t forget my anagram- “AARON ROSS GILLESPIE” becomes “ON A GIRL, I PLEASE”)

Inspirational Quotes: (also stole from uncle john)

“ Be what you are and say what you like because those to mind don’t matter, and those who matter, don’t mind “
         - Dr. Seuss -

” What would you attempt to do if you knew you would not fail? “
         - Dr. Robert Schuller –

 > I haven’t thought this much about my life in a long time. When I don’t have to do anything else, I have the joy of being able to really relax and reflect on shit. Today I’ve had the past 5 hours to do just that. It’s pretty sweet. It is a good time to just… detoxify my self. Free stress and other shit from my psyche.

 > I’ve been watching a lot of “Scrubs” lately. That show is good. Really good.

 > Wendy’s is trying too hard. They haven’t found their niche yet. Hardee’s has the thick burger and the big stuff. Taco bell is cheap. McDonald’s is fast. Wendy’s doesn’t’ have SHIT. Wendy’s is only good for a large group of people who can’t necessarily agree on what they want to eat.

 > I started two videos last night, but I didn’t finish them today. I’d be willing to bet that neither of them ever gets finished. Don’t worry though, you aren’t missing much if that’s the case. Neither of them were very good. (Redneck Weather Report and How to Piss of Your Girlfriend Edition III)

 > Tyrel Reed met the president. I spooned with a Division I national Champion AND I lost a dunking competition to a guy who has met the President of the United States. Can you say that?

 > I just felt like writing a few things. I’ve pretty much covered them all. I like both my jobs. I don’t like my awesome minimum wages- but a least I can drive to work without that sinking “OH MY GOD I WANT TO KILL MYSELF” feeling that I always used to get… Always.

Maybe there’s something wrong with me.

Maybe not.

Top 5: Whitest Kids U Know sketches on YouTube (that I can find)

5. Opposite Day

4. Be Careful what you Think

3. Happier with Mouth Open

2. What Really Happened to Abe Lincoln

1. Slow Jerk

Quotes:

“ Oh man Jesus must be PISSED “
         - Myself, while filming the redneck weather report -

” Hey babe I just saw a dead possum on the side of the road and it made me think of you “
         - Myself, while filming the Guide to Pissing off Your Girlfriend –

 > Carlos Mencia is not nearly as funny as he thinks he is. There I said it. I’m tired of seeing his commercials while I’m watching the Daily Show and the Colbert Report. He sucks. If you like him or his show, I would be willing to bet you are an elite member of the bottom-half of society.

 > I finished my basketball/skateboarding-not-supposed-to-be-taken-seriously video. “Seriously Extreme Basketballing.”

 > I really ran out of things to say quickly with this update. There’s another Carlos Mencia ad on tv right now. I really, really, can’t stand that smug unfunny bastard. Sometimes advertisements can work against themselves. Check the top five.

 > I can’t use my phone at work to write down quotes, that’s really the only time I have much social interaction. So I guess I’m going to have to figure something else out…

Top 5: Advertisements that have caused me to never do what they want me to do.

5. Those online dating service commercials, not only because I have a girlfriend already, but also because the announcer sounds stupid. He’s permanently stuck in that “baby talk” voice mode.

4. E-surance, need I say more?

3. Carlos Mencia’s commercials. Smug. Stupid.

2. HeadOn- that direct forehead medicine. Apply directly to the forehead. I will kill you.

1. Any Old Navy commercials. I cannot stand ANY of those retarded ads.

Quotes:

“ Can God make a rock so big, that not even he can lift it? “
         - Descartes -

 > It’s been a long time since I updated. Summer has started. I’m working two jobs in Emporia right now, I’m still considering taking on a third. There’s a simple reason why it’s been so long since I’ve updated: Christine’s sister had a baby, so she flew out to North Carolina to see her. I can communicate with her (for the most part) only through email. So any spare time I have to sit down and write has been dedicated to our email conversation. Today, however, I felt updating might be necessary.

 > I’m 2/3rds done with a video. Basically it’s a ½ basketball - ½ skateboarding video that is only supposed to be taken 1/4^th seriously. It has nothing to do with fractions, though. I expect to finish by my next update. I had planned on finishing it tomorrow; however due to circumstances beyond my control (even though they were created by me) I cannot work on it tomorrow.

 > I now have this Blog being posted as an RSS Feed on my Facebook account. That’s some pretty cool shit. Also, my YouTube account is on there.

 > That’s pretty cool. I haven’t really thought of much else to write on here. Other than I’ve had vivid dreams every night since school’s been out. During school, I dreamed much less frequently. I wonder why?

 > Just to spice things up a bit:                                                                     Sex.

 > I had the privilege of seeing Josh Weltha the other day. I forgot that he was hysterical. I didn’t have my phone on me to write quotes down, so… you’re SOL. (shouldn’t SOL really be SOOL? I guess the USA should be USOA, too. Insignificant words aren’t added to acronyms, are they. Huh.)

Top 5: Applications I use on Facebook (the only five)

5. Video

4. Notes

3. Groups

2. Bumper Sticker

1. Photos

Quotes:

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 > Usually when I write a column there is an inspiration which gets me going. Today’s muse is a list of “important things to do” that I found in my Sound Film notebook when preparing to study. I think I might have already had a few of these items on a previous top five… but not all of them. So check out my Top 12:

 > Okay, here’s an idea I just had for a game. You and an opponent each have a computer (laptop preferably) and are hooked on to the same speed internet connection… you start off at Wikipedia homepage (or anywhere you want really, wikipedia is just the easiest) and you think of a thing or person, say… Gandhi. Then you say “go” and you race to see who can find a picture of whatever your topic is first… without using the keyboard. You have to find a way to get from any article, to Gandhi… then, when one of you wins- you can pick out a new topic and start from the Gandhi page. It might be really stupid, it might be really dumb… but I think it could be fun if you were bored enough.

 > I want to live a more healthy lifestyle. So that, when I’m 28, I’ll still be able to go on American Gladiators and at least make it through the eliminator. Oh, and by the way, I watched American Gladiators yesterday. It’s on NBC on Mondays at 7 or 8 or something… I really recommend it.

 > Once again a semester went by where I bought books that “were required” for class and never even cracked them open. Next year, I’m only going to buy books that I’m sure I will use.

 > If you are bored, after reading the top 12 and the quote, go to Wikipedia’s homepage, try to find a picture of Jim Carrey without touching your keyboard. You’ve got 10 Minutes. Go.

Top 12: Things I plan to accomplish this summer

12. Study the Language of the Wookie

11. Give Stephen Spielberg my Autograph

10. Watch the Movie “Flubber”

9. Catch a Falling Star with a Baseball Mitt

8. Eat the Fruits of the Country Bala

7. Find Larry Bird and Jack Him Straight in the Face

6. Find the Cure for World Hunger, Get Really Drunk, and Forget the Cure for World Hunger

5. Find God (with a telescope)

4. Invent a New Flying Machine

3.  Instruct a Class of Chimpanzees to Ride a Unicycle

2. Spawn a New Race of Super Humans (learn how to clone myself)

1. Invade the Country of “Chad” and Force them to Change the Name to “Charles”

Quotes: - Note: I realized I can write quotes down on my phone… so hopefully I’ll do better with these

“ Did you say ‘alligator?’ cause alligators are mean, they will straight up kill you “
         - The Bus Driver -

 > I’ve got two jobs now. I haven’t started either yet, but lets just say that if you want to get a movie and you are in Emporia, you’ll be dealing with me. Blockbuster, and the theatre. No I can’t let you see movies for free, because it’s not cool as an employee and I just don’t particularly like you. So eat shoot and die. Hopefully I can get 45 hours or so between the two.

 > I don’t’ really have much else to say, really. I attended another bigoted preaching festival on Wescoe beach today.

 > Every kiss begins with Kay. Other than smootches, pecks, and uh….. I don’t know.

 > I saw a stand-up comedian on Comedy Central yesterday who was sitting down during his routine. It was a oxymoron like no other.

 > I was really just looking to say that I got a job (or two) I don’t have any more “classes” until summer. But I’ve gotta take 3 finals and write a five page paper…. So I’m not done yet.

Top 5: Things I want to buy with all my cash that will roll in

5. A skateboard (I miss being in shape)

4. The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (leather-bound)

3. “The Complete Far Side”

2. A TV that doesn’t suck.

1. I still want a PS3.

Quotes:

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